That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
