i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
