I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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