You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
