hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
