Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i love accidental penises.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
