And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
