You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize