Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
