I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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