She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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