tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
