Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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