so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
