I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
