i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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