She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
