U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
