he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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