Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
