was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
