I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
