I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
