Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
