The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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