Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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