i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
