Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize