Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
