I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
