you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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