im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
