as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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