Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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