dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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