Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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