Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
