just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
