i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
