There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
pray to the hookup gods
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
