I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
