Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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