We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
