Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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