dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
