Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
