I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
