I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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