I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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