If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
