So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
