sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
