I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
