I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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