I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
