Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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