Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
