I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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