then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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