What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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